you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
