i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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