As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
