get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
