i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
