It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
