Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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