I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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