I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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