I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
