he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
