your thong is hanging out like whoa
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
