Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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