I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
