I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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