The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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