they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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