DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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