i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
