Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
