He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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