i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
