Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fuck me I smell like cheese
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
