So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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