that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm having to shit out rocks
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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