i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
