its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I yelled at your uterus for you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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