You're my little dorito
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
