Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
