My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
