she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
