apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
