I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
