Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
