DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
