The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
