I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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