She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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