you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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