You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
