i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
