Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
