You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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