I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
