I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
