He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
