i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
