I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
