"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
