I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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