So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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