Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You left your underwear on the fireplace
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
